Fear

This is a crazy time for all of us.  If you get on social media at any point it won't take you long to find angry people.  People are angry about so many things and it seems like it is only getting worse.  If you are like me then it is very easy to get sucked into that negativity and to start getting very angry yourself.  Where is all of this anger coming from?  It is all driven by fear.  We are scared.  We are uncertain.  We don't know what is going to happen or when this will all end.  I want to give you a few things that have helped me deal with my fear and anger recently that will hopefully help you, as well as show you how you can apply this inside the gym as well as outside.

Think back to a time that you were really angry.  Something happened and it completely set you off.  You lashed out in a way that you probably regret.  We have all done it and probably don't like to think about it.  It is something that we think is best left untouched in the back of our minds.  I know I have plenty of these moments  in my life.  If you know me you probably think that I am very even keel, almost stoic, but I struggled a lot with anger when I was younger.  My family has plenty of stories of me breaking video game controllers, breaking glass display cases in my room, breaking tvs, punching my best friend in the face, punching my brother, and many others.  Where was all of this coming from?  This is a much deeper discussion but I know that a lot of it came from me feeling out of control.  I am a person who always needs to feel in control of the situation, which can be very tough when you are young.  When I don't feel in control I get scared, and then I get angry.  As I have gotten older I have learned to somewhat control my anger, at least on the outside.  It still flares up though, and with everything going on it has been coming out more and more lately.

Is anger wrong?  Definitely not!  It is a human emotion just like everything else.  Acting on that anger, however, can lead you to do something you really regret.  So what should you do when you feel angry?  Something that really helps me out is to take some deep breaths.  I know that we have all heard to count to 10 before we say or do something we regret.  This is so true.  Taking deep breaths can lower our fight or flight adrenaline and get our self back to a more normal state.  Taking a walk can also help.  Once I have calmed down, or perhaps the next day, what really helps me is to think about that anger.  What made me so angry?  What was it about that situation that set me off?  When I really think about it it all boils down to fear.  I was afraid of something.  With this situation there is a lot to fear.  Fear of a loved one getting sick.  Fear of the business being hurt.  Financial fear.  Fear of loss of personal freedom.  Feeling out of control.  After nailing down whatever it is that is causing me to be afraid it doesn't feel so bad anymore.  I think about what the worst thing that could possibly happen.  This usually isn't that bad, but even if it is I know that I will be able to get through it.  Just thinking about the possible outcomes really helps lower that anxiety and the fear and anger that I feel.

Let's apply this to the gym.  Think about what makes you angry when you are working out.  Is it not being able to hit a weight on a lift that you want to hit?  Is it not making the progress that you think you should be making?  Is it feeling like others don't have to work as hard as you do?  Is it others cutting reps in a workout?  Others not hitting a standard for movements that you feel is acceptable?  What is it?  What really gets your blood boiling?  Once you have identified what makes you angry then trace that down to what is causing it.  What is it about this particular thing that makes you angry?  Like I talked about before it is most likely driven by fear.  Maybe you are afraid that you won't be able to hit your goals.  Maybe you are afraid of being rejected or ridiculed if you don't look a certain way.  Maybe you are afraid of feeling less than if someone beats you in a workout.  Whatever the case may be it is important to figure out what you are afraid of.  Once you start to do this you can start to get control of that anger.  

So what is the point of all of this?  Why should you try to get control of your anger?  Because it is holding you back.  Once you start to get control of it you will start to realize that it was keeping you from getting where you want to be.  All of the energy that you are wasting on being angry you could be using to make progress.  You will never be able to make the progress that you could if you are always getting angry about something or someone.  Learn where this fear is coming from and take control of it.  Once you do you will finally see how much it was holding you back.